I have been waiting, you know, for you. It was not for a day, a week, or even few summers, I think I have always waited, and as have you. Thoughts I have had a million, ramblings in hundreds, blog posts a dozen, as my fascination for you has never ceased.
Is it plain intriguing euphoria, or that something which I can’t put a name on?
I know not, dearest.
In time though, I hope to know, for I love you.
In the riot of colors – in gentle rains – in the eyes of a street dog that wimps for love – a million watt smile of a baby stranger – in the daily food I eat – the trains that I catch and miss – in the chores, and in the luxury: I think of you – sometimes with love – sometimes with not so much love – at other times I forget even, but I know you are always there!
After 26 years, 9 months, and 12 days, you have chosen to come, in the form I love. For this, I will be grateful. Thank you Nirakari, for coming to me as Krishna, though I know the grand scheme of things is all about ‘Ekameva Advitiyam Brahma’.
Are dreams a tool for approbation?
Are they reflection of the meta-physical of your sub-conscious, or the meanderings of your conscious? I might never get to know, but am happy, in the now.
Just few days ago, PM and I were speaking about you, my dearest Krishna. She told me that she always imagined you in pristine white, and not the blue that people seem to speak about. I looked forward to seeing a blue you too, but you came and stumped me with an immaculate fairness. Why would you do that? PM wanted a white, but not me Krishna. *For all I know, PM might be laughing and crying at the same time when she reads this: gloating over the color you chose, cribbing cos you chose to show me that.*
I wonder what triggered this dream though. I mean, 26 years whisked past, and all of a sudden you chose a Tuesday, a September, a 17th? None of these seem romantic to me 😀
You ask,” Isn’t meeting me enough?”
“Of course. Of course.”
I sent a wish to universe last year saying, “Surprise me this September.” Looks like thought waves had trouble reaching you! If that’s the case with the cosmos, I can’t wager much on local postal deliveries. Okay, don’t get cross with me now, “I ain’t making any fun mister.”
“Meeting you was all I had always wanted.”
In fact that’s what I was exactly telling Mr. C yesterday, when we were discussing my bucket list: “That I wanted to meet you in person, for real.” That brings me again back to the question ‘what triggered this dream’ – a) my conversation with PM, b) my conversation with Mr. C, c) or your way of approbation, for what happened this Krishnashtami, d) was it my Kay madness hungama, e) was it all of these and much more, or f) was it simply your grace?
Again, it could be anything, but why do I need to worry about the whys and the hows. That’s your job, Mr. Kay. All I can have is a dream, and abandon my plans, even the best ones, as Phyllis Krystal says, and just wait for your grace to unfold.
Few takeaways that I will remember –
That you looked a lot like a picture of you that I had.
That you came in a purple pithambaram.
That you were fair (again, why would you do that?).
That you indeed had curly hair.
That I felt stumped, more than anything.
That I chose October 16th as the day when you met me in Kay Madness, and you came close choosing a September 17th (it could even be 16th, cos God knows if the dream was before 12, or after)
That you came as a young man, and not a kid (cos I know PM prefers a baby Krishna. Me? Not so much. I am not good with kids)
That I was standing opposite to you.
That you were all lovey dovey, the embodiment of love, that I always imagined you to be. (I don’t remember what you said though, just that they were romantic. Again, did you say those to me, or to Mother Radha? I am going to secretly hope they were for me)
I am happy, Krishna. Really am. I hope to see much of you though, I also hope to see a blue you.
*Until another love journey*