Life/death – through a devotee’s eye!

Few days back I hopped onto one of my favorite blogger’s space to see what she was up to. She had written a post titled ‘To die without regret’, and she had mentioned those 5 points, which dying people usually regret, as penned down by Ms. Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse.

I for some reason didn’t accept any of those validation, for they all seemed worldly. My heart but only recalled one quote at that time:

Day by day Thou art making me worthy of Thy full acceptance, by refusing me ever and anon from perils of weak and uncertain desire.” (Gitanjali)

Yesterday I had a terrible bout of fever. I haven’t yet fully recovered, but now that my father has graciously allowed me a half an hour break, I feel like blogging about it.

36 hours earlier, I was anything but normal, and around evening my temperature steadily increased, and it was then few hours of melodrama. When mum checked first it was 100, then it was 102, then within an hour, it came up to 104.  By then people back home got quite alarmed; nothing worked, and I didn’t have any other symptoms either. If one part of me was shivering, on the other, I couldn’t withstand the heat of my body. They called up my doc immediately, and he advised them to wrap me up in wet towels to bring down the temperature, until I have further tests taken.

The wet towels became dry, and they were made wet again. After about one and half hours, it started to dip, and it was quite a terrible few hours, and yada yada… I am not here to blog about my fever, but the thoughts that ran in my mind then…

HIM.

sathya-sai-krishna

He was all I thought of ❤

I had no regrets of anything worldly. Yes of course all of us have our own bucket list, our assumptions on the lines of Malcolm Gladwell’s ‘Outliers’, but I have kind of gone a full circle in the worldly sojourn, learnt a lot at the feet of my master, still learning of course, and so I knew death could embrace me anytime it willed.

I am but a toddler in spiritual science, and though mine is but a frugal offering to His bounteous self, I know that is the only thing that defines me today – my love for Him and His love for me.

I prayed, “Swami, if this is to be my last day, please take me to you. Or if I haven’t prayed enough in my 25 year life, let me at least be born as your devotee again. I need you, Swami. Only you.” I then meditated on Him, thought of the benign messages that He gave me, and His dreams that I have had.

Truly, He was all that mattered.

My results haven’t come yet. I might live for another 75 years, or 75 seconds, but does it really matter?

“Avismridis thvach charanaravindhe bhave bhave mesthu bhavath prasadath”

With Thy grace, in each of my births, let me never forget Thy divine lotus feet Master!

Ever yours,

SB.

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